An Unintended Result

The other day I went out of town with my mother. Of course like with all fun road trips we required gas so I stopped at the local fuel supply store and gave my beautiful car some much needed petroleum-based liquid. As I waited and participated in idle chat with my mother while my lovely vehicle quaffed down half its weight in an un-reusable energy source, a car came barreling into the gas station. A small sedan with several young men inside, each chatting loudly, but not enough that I could make out anything they said. They had their windows rolled up. I watched them pull into a stall and the five proceeded to exit their car when my mother, in a joking manner, commented, “Uh oh, white males.” We chuckled at her off-colored joke, especially because she rarely makes jokes like that (how she ended up with three daughters who always make crude and insensitive jokes will forever be beyond me).

But suddenly I became paranoid because of their presence.

Flashing through my mind were memories of incidences that happened within the past week. The spike in bigotry-motivated attacks overwhelmed my Facebook and Twitter feed. Article after article, news clip after clip of Muslims assaulted because Trump won. People of color attacked because of the new election. Members of the LGBT community harassed because of recent rhetoric. On Election Day an older gentleman verbally accosted one of bf’s cousin, who was pregnant at the time, simply because she was wearing a Beyoncé shirt. He called her something to the effect of a dirty liberal lesbian who was going to hell because she was probably going to vote for Hillary. Of course her being the crazy yet awesome person she is she told this man it was her and her lesbian lover’s first child together. I assume his brain exploded a short time later. At any rate, I realized an unintentional and rather unexpected causation this recent election has created.

In the racist community, it’s brought a spike in hatred of all minorities.

But in minorities, it’s brought on almost a fear of almost all white people.

I’ll be honest with you, as a Mexican girl growing up my interaction with those of the alabaster variety were not exactly positive. They banned me from the slides, they called me greasy, they refused to be my friends. As I got older it did not get any better. They gave me backhanded complements, they laughed about everything, but mostly they annoyed me due to my already deeply engrained distrust of them. I hate admitting my own racist thinking. I did not realize how big of a problem I had with the white community until I was in high school, so I made sure to shove and stomp down my irrational prejudice until it had almost disappeared.

That is until Trump was elected.

All my hard work went down the drain. I found myself saying not so pretty things about people of no color in positions of power and I did not care who heard me. I’ve questioned why, in my city, where ninety percent of the population is Hispanic, are all the people in power white. I’ve gone back to squashing those thoughts out of my head; however, fear and distrust linger. And those are harder to ignore. I know it’s stupid and I know it’s irrational. I know plenty of folks of a lighter skin tone and they’re all a delight. But as irrationality goes I can’t unstick this fear. The fear that someone will jump me at any moment.

My apologies to my Euro-America brethren and sistren. I’m working on it…

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