I went to the mall the other day, the mother of all places where there’s a bunch of people shoved in like sardines. It grosses me out but so long as I don’t bump into people and they don’t me then I’m fine. Drugs help, too. Anywho, I passed a lady holding her baby all weird and I didn’t think much of it until bf said she was probably nursing it. Uh oh. Therein started a conversation.
He, just like I, is uncomfortable with the human form. We make fun of mannequins with nipples and ladies who are falling out of their tops. We see guys in short shorts and laugh and joke about wearing the same thing. Overall, we act like terrible people. But while bf is more vocal about his discomfort, I think I have more disgust for the human form than he does.
Much like my fear of social contact, except when there’s a technological buffer, I have the same fear of human skin, for a lack of better words. Topless men and women alike creep me out, crop tops, booty shorts, underwear, skimpy swimwear, anything to that effect makes me crimson and nauseated. The thought of flaunting or even exposing myself are what make up my nightmares. The first time I wore a spaghetti-strapped shirt I felt like I was walking around topless. Frankly, I dread the day I have children because I’ll probably end up mentally scarred forever. Natural or not, I’m not comfortable enough with my own body, let alone others, to be okay with anything of that sort.
But I’m not stupid.
I saw this video the day before, incidentally enough, and it made me sick to be a part of humanity. It seems the consensus is that the female body, or any body for that matter, is for sex and sex only. Any other use for it is unacceptable. If you do not plan to use your body for sexual purposes then please keep it in the package. That kind of sucks, especially for women such as myself who don’t want any attention at all, but who have hungry babies and think feeding them in a bathroom or under a tarp isn’t fair simply because no one cares about babies.
I know I’m an extremely judgmental person which stems from my overall discomfort of the human race, but even I know, in all my disgust of the human figure, know how dumb it is to chastise a mother nursing her child in public. Why is a baby eating so gross to people? Is it the partial nudity? If you’re that uncomfortable with the whole thing then do what I do: don’t look and internalize your chastising to yourself and be ashamed for judging a mom who’s just doing her motherly duty. Feel free to keep judging those who dress to get attention like I do. But don’t be proud of that. You’re still a terrible human being. Like me.