Dreaming

It’s no secret that living with social anxiety is hard. I only talk about it all the time. It’s bizarre seeing how easy it is for people to talk to others. How do you just open your mouth and have words come out?

I get these dreams a lot. At least three times a month for the past five years. In these dreams, someone does something that upsets me, usually something little. I try explaining or remedying said situation. What ends up happening, however, whoever is causing me problems mocks me. Condescends me. Laughs at my ridiculous plea for understanding. At that point I get angry. I start screaming, cursing, throwing things, shaking people. I try to get them to see how problematic they are. But, no matter how much I yell at them, they always react the same. They laugh in my face and tell me how silly I’m being.

Whenever I’m angry I’m usually silent. I’m more of a quiet revenge kind of person. But I think that stems from the fact that when I get angry, I can’t articulate how I’m feeling or why I’m upset. I think it also comes from the fact that I’m sure no one is listening to, cares, or will ever care about what I have to say

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